These Hands
by Queen Beryl
Summary: A very short one-shot dealing with Inu-Yasha's thoughts about his... hands, among other things. Mostly deep thoughts and symbolism. Please review!


Title: These Hands   
By: Queen Beryl   
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    **A very short Inu-Yasha one-shot! It's in Inu-Yasha's perspective... just his thoughts, I guess. I hope you like it! Please review!**

    These hands are stained with the smell of blood. No matter how many times they are washed, they can never be cleansed completely. The scent still lingers. At first I thought it was my strong sense of smell that was the punishment, not the hands themselves.   
    I'm not so sure that's true though. I look at the hands, soiled with the dirt and grime, the long claws, the creases... and yet they don't seem to be mine. They can't be.   
    These hands, to tell the truth, long to be clean. The filth, the blood... I wish it all could just disappear. Water cannot cleanse them; soap is futile as well. Maybe nothing ever will ever be able to wash away the guilt and feelings stored on my hands.   
    These hands, the hands of a hanyou, long for something else. _I_ long for something else... something I've never dared to before. These hands are aching to hold you, touch you, feel the warmth your body gives off. They want to feel your soft raven hair, to rub your full pink lips, to hold you when you're afraid. They want to save you from all danger... forever. They want to protect you for all they're worth.   
    These hands of mine... I can't let them control me. So, I turn away, and I spurn you with my harsh words and hard glares. I say horrible things to you, and I fight with you whenever I possibly can.   
    They're lies. All lies. Every hateful thing I've ever said to you from the beginning, every time I've called you hurtful names... they're all lies. My mouth says things I know I'll regret so I don't have to think about these hands. These hands betray me; whenever I get close to you, they itch to reach out and touch you. I don't blame you, though. It's my hands; I can smell it.   
    They are so quick to lash out in anger, to grab Testsusaiga, or use Kaze no Kizu... but these hands are hesitant when it comes to expressing my love and joy. These hands long to caress your beautiful face; they long to feel your heartbeat. They long for you.   
    It's amazing: I've been traveling with you for so long, and you still don't know. Not like I want you to, or anything. I've kept these hands under control since the very first time I met you. The first time wasn't that hard because you were pressed up against me on one side while the sacred tree I was sealed to was behind me. I was angry then, and I didn't want to want you. But your very essence captivated me. Oh, sure, I put up a front when old Kaede said we had to stay together to find the Shikon shards. Secretly, I wanted you with me. I _needed_ you with me. I still do; my hands still do.   
    We've been through a lot together. You've seen me at my best and worst. You understood when I needed to clean my hands so badly after becoming a full youkai. You understood that, but you can never understand this. I've been so cruel to you... but I've faked it all. In truth, I needed you close. Each day that passes, the desire grows stronger. The only thing I can do to dull the pain somewhat is to let me carry you on my back. I say it's a hassle for you to walk so slowly, just so these hands can feel your soft skin... even if it's just for a little while. I don't go overboard; I know my limits. I keep my hands in check... as well as the rest of me. If these hands go... who knows if I can withstand everything else.   
    These hands... they will one day be my downfall. One day, I'll forget all reason and these hands will take over. They will hold you... never letting you go. Until then, however, I'll keep these hands as far away from you as I possibly can so you'll never know. I don't want you to know about these hands. 

**Okay, I know it was short, but I just had to get something out. ^_^; Oh, and I don't own Inu-Yasha or his hands!**


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